inspiration for young moms

why young moms need inspiration?

Moms are continuously bombarded with house work, cooking, changing nappies and taking care of everything in the household. They might fall apart and feel overwhelmed once in a while, hence, they need as much inspiration as possible to give them the strength to cope with all the stress.

"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me."

- Jim Valvano

always remind yourself that it is NOT ok to be perfect...

the voice of young moms

Young moms are strong girls transformed to grow into women at a time they had not prepared themselves in and although they have so much strength, they still need empowerment. YOUNG MOMS EC has been and still is giving as much information on how these moms can obtain this strength to cope with their babies, born or unborn. This blog, however, does not encourage teenage pregnancy and for young girls to fall pregnant at a young age, but focuses on those who already find themselves in this situation.

As a result of this, I feel that I have a great deal of responsibility to warn those who are at the risk of falling pregnant at such age. With the rise of teenage pregnancy and abortion in S.A and especially in the Eastern Cape province, this seems to be an action that needs to be done.

I had interviewed my cousin sister as a case study to show how difficult it can be to fall pregnant at such a young age.

Sivuyisiwe 'Sivu' Mqikela, 24, mother of 2

At just 18 years of age, Sivuyiswe of Mdantsane, East london was doing Grade 10 and pregnant with her first daughter, Linathi Mqikela and that was 2008. The following year she got pregnant with a boy Simthandile 'Boy' Mqikela. Both her children are currently attending school but this is not the case for her.

Sivu is now a full- time mom and says falling pregnant two times had not been her intention and that it took away her dreams of being a chef.

"Since I got pregnant I never was able to go back to school as there was no one to take care of my 2 babies, my mom was too disappointed in me she almost lost hope.''

With both her kids attending school, she has now applied to study at BCC college to further her studies and complete her matric for the year 2015.

As her cousin sister, I am proud that even after such a long time not having to go to school, she has shown great courage and responsibility to never forget about her dreams and that she knows that one is  never too old for education.

Sivuyisiwe with her son 'Boy ' at Eastern Beach

Linathi in her school uniform going to her first class in First Grade

To write this post I was inspired by the strong Kutlwano Moepeng featured on an article 'teen mom cautions her peers' by Omphetse Molopyane of The New Age. In the article Kutlwano tries and warns other pupils like her of the trials and tribulations of being a mom at and a scholar at the same time.

FACT! baby fathers show symptoms too!

At my first trimester, I used to like eating fried fish a lot and now I don't have that anymore as my symptoms. The only early-pregnancy symptom I still have is craving on potato chips. My partner on the other hand usually did not like fried fish until I introduced him to it. I say 'did not' because now it's all that he thinks of when we pass by our usual restaurant.

This might surprise a lot of people but it is a fact, a weird one indeed, your baby father might be experiencing pregnancy symptoms too, some of which you might be familiar with because you also experienced them or you still do.This is called sympathetic pregnancy or Couvade syndrome; your partner might respond to your pregnancy in a manner that he will feel what you feel .

REALITY CHECK, who's pregnant here?

These are the most common symptoms of Couvade syndrome:

• nausea and heartburn-If you are pregnant you might have experienced this symptom, but what about your partner? He might be going through the same. At times he will have an irritable stomach, he might not like the foods you know of him most or he might feel like he wants to puke now and then. Remember you also felt the same way in your early stages of your pregnancy? There are also chances that you both experience this the same time.

• abdominal pain-There is no scientific explanation for this and any other symptom mentioned here, your partner might feel cramps around the lower parts of the stomach as you might have or at the same time you experience these pains.

• appetite changes- It is normal for your partner to experience this also, he might not like his usual favorite meals or he might have cravings right in the middle of the night.

• weight gain- There are chances that your partner might gain a few kg's from all the food you have been feeding him. Although he might not like some type of food that you like, he might have agreed on eating with you because it wouldn't be so nice of him if he hadn't.

• change in sleeping patterns- Your partner might be sleeping more than usual, he might even feel tired most of the time and this should make things easy for both of you as you might also like to take a nap as well.

• anxiety- Stressing about labor and the budget and 'everything pregnancy' might be normal for your partner, he might be concerned as much as you are and this can lead to seriousness, you both need to talk around to other expectant parents as well as parents who already have children to prepare yourselves.

"Now that I'm six months pregnant, my husband insists on sleeping like me. He says he wants to get the full pregnancy experience. It's not unusual to find him napping with my pillow between his knees and a heating pad on his back." --Stephanie, Lorain, OH

SCARY BUT ESSENTIAL INFO! : maternal deaths, HIV and young momies

 A report made by the Amnesty International; 'Struggle for Maternal Health: Barriers to antenatal care in South Africa' revealed that:

There were 1 560 recorded deaths in 2011 and 1 426 in 2012,1 500 women die every year during childbirth

The report says :40 percent of the deaths are linked to HIV. 

Sounds scary?

According to Sharon Dell of University World News,  a study by the Higher Education HIV and Aids Programme (HEAids) on HIV prevalence and knowledge, attitude, behavior and practice revealed that Eastern Cape had a high proportion (6.4%) of university students found HIV positive and female students were found to be three times more likely to contract HIV than males, despite the fact that it was more acceptable for males to have multiple partners.

image courtesy of: http://content.presentermedia.com/files/clipart/00003000/3961/scary_skull_bones_md_wm.jpg

Maternal Death is when a woman dies during pregnancy or labor, the main causes of maternal death are:

•  Non-pregnancy-related infections, mostly HIV
• Obstetric Haemorrhage- excessive bleeding during pregnancy, labor or after childbirth
• Hypertension also known as High Blood Pressure

YOU ASK: How is this all related to me and why should I know about it?

HIV in our country affects the youth more than adult people and because of this and the fact that females have higher chances of contracting HIV than males; young mommies are at most higher risk. 

HIV is one of the main causes of Maternal Death, not only does the life of the mother but of the baby too is in jeopardy. However, if you are HIV positive this does not mean you and your baby will die, of course, there are ways you can prevent this from happening altogether.

MANAGING HIV WHILE PREGNANT
It is important to know your HIV status when pregnant, although it is understood that it is your choice to test or not to test for HIV, you need to do so for your baby's sake.This will allow you to get ARV treatment not only for you but to prevent the virus from being transmitted to your baby. This should be done very early during pregnancy.

BREAST FEEDING AND HIV
Breast feeding should be avoided by pregnant women who are HIV, alternatively, formula feeding should be used.Athough breast feeding is much ecouraged for the development of your baby,you are required to feed your baby nothing else during the first 6 months. Going for CD4 count screening at your usual antenatal clinic should help you manage your pregnancy and your level of HIV in your body. A week after birth, you are required to bring your baby to your clinic to be monitored.


HIV positive or not, it is vital to go for your antenatal appointments just to be sure that everything is under control.

feel confident about your pregnancy

Get clothes that make you feel comfortable and look good when wearing them

Get a light, flowing maternity dress with natural colors.

image courtesy of: http://image.dhgate.com/albu_386429624_00-1.0x0/maternity-casual-dress-for-pregnant-women.jpg

Who said you cannot wear heels? Try  these not-so-high wedges and see the difference worn with your dress or  you can wear it down with a sun hat and sandals.

Get a maxi-dress with a high waist, they are comfortable and allow room for your baby bump.love them!

Tights worn with long shirts that hang just under your bum make a great combination!

image courtesy of:http://asequindressatbreakfast.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/screen-shot-2012-08-13-at-11-04-50-pm.png

consider what to believe about pregnancy

What worked for your mom and your sister will not necessarily work for you. Everyone will certainly have something to say, some advice to give but not all are the same. Someone might say you look fat and another might say they love your bum. It can be confusing, the best way is to weigh out what actually works for you and only you, what makes sense to you is what will work for you. Often people will say trust your instincts, but to do so you need to trust yourself.

confidence is knowing yourself and trusting yourself

While you need to be able to trust yourself to trust your instincts, you also need confidence to trust yourself. You need to know yourself and what makes you feel safe and happy. Stay away from people who bring your mood down and make you feel bad about yourself.

strive to be ‘good enough rather than perfect’

Don't get too caught up with trying to be the best mom, be you and you will never get it all wrong. Stuff the rules! Do not worry about minimizing your weight gain and eating the right food or else you will miss out and probably never enjoy any moment of your pregnancy and motherhood.

join a group of expectant moms

It's always good to meet up with other people like you, people who know what you are going through and who understand.

quit trying to compete!

During pregnancy, competing will only leave you feeling smug, how do you compete with someone with a flat waistline when yours is filled with a baby bump? Your hormones will certainly worsen your smug feeling always try to look as good as you can to feel good about yourself.

focus on why rather than what, see the bigger picture of things

If you focused on the fact that your body is actually fat because you are carrying your first child and your body is being prepared to carry the  weight, it will make you feel a lot better than if you focus on how fat you are! Try and be positive and replace all your negative thoughts with positive ones.Remember that every phase of your pregnancy will pass.

keep your sense of humor on board!

Laugh at your ups and downs but let your partner know how bad it would make you feel if he’s laughing at you rather than with you. You will feel miserable at times, try and not take things too seriously and play around a little, maybe with your partner or a close friend.

educate yourself

The more you know what is going on with your body, you will feel more confident. Subscribe to a blog, read magazines, read books about pregnancy. You will not only learn about your body changes, you will also know what to expect even when you are close to delivery.

be bump proud!

Be proud of your bump, some women do not have the ability to conceive and would love to have babies of their own. Pregnancy is not just what you go through as a woman, its a blessing and you need to embrace it. You will not keep your pregnancy a secret forever. Maybe hiding your baby bump is a bad idea after all as many people might have already noticed it even though you may not know this.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.

Eleanor Roosevelt

your journey through pregnancy!

So,you have just noticed you have missed your periods,you might have noticed a few changes in your body; bleeding also called spotting during first trimester is usually confused with periods and you might not have noticed it, your breasts feel sore and have grown bigger, you feel fatigue at times and nausea and have gained some weight that shows your bum and you’re almost loving it!  Could this all mean you are pregnant? if so? What do you do now?

Here’s a to do list to prepare you for your journey through pregnancy…

Buy a pregnancy test kit

You have noticed the changes but you are not quite sure, so get a brand new pregnancy test kit to confirm that you really are pregnant! a positive(pregnant) pregnancy test will have two lines and a negative will only have one. if tested negative, your journey ends here, if positive move on to the next step below.

courtesy of:http://images.viralnova.com/000/025/766/pregnancy-test.jpg

visit your doctor or your nearest clinic

Make your first booking at the clinic or with your doctor as soon as you find out you are actually pregnant. This is where you will be required to give your background information. this means you will be attending your antenatal appointments at the same clinic or hospital so that your midwife or doctor can keep track of your baby’s development and your health. a lot of blood and urine tests will be taken to check your blood type, blood pressure, syphilis, HIV and others and this might take you the whole day. if you are studying or working you will need to manage your time very well and report to the relevant person.

take your medicine daily

it is essential that you take your daily medicine only prescribed by your midwife, report if taking any other medicine. on your first day you might be given folic acid which is good at developing your baby’s spinal cord and brain.

quit smoking and alcohol!

smoking increases your chances of having a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy. your baby could have a low birth weight because of your smoking. on the other hand, alcohol can cause Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

drink less coffee!

too much caffeine can also be dangerous for your baby, it can cause miscarriages during pregnancy, premature labor and low birth weight of your baby.

what to and what not to eat during pregnancy?

• Avoid eating under cooked meats, now is the time to order your fully cooked steaks and burgers and not feel any embarrassment! under cooked meat or uncooked seafood contain bacteria which can harm your baby.

• deli meat can cause miscarriages; they contain listeria. raw eggs should be avoided, salmonella is a bacteria found in them and they can be reduced by simply cooking or frying your eggs.

• ginger is good with nausea, you may drink it or sprinkle it on your tea.starch can also reduce nausea levels and avoiding spicy foods and foods with odor .

• NB! if you feel hungry more frequently, eat frequent snacks between your meals.

• to prevent vomiting, drink 1.4 liters of water everyday

• eat your fruits and veggies!

rest a lot!

Whenever you feel tired, feel free to take a nap. Bed rest increases your blood flow to your placenta and therefore will increase your baby’s birth weight.

Although some exercise may help you need to avoid carrying heavy loads or doing heavy house chores.

baby planning!

Go around town and look for cute baby clothes to prepare for the arrival of your baby. Set aside a budget for your baby and save up for any emergencies.

daddy is part of it too!

You get to bond with your baby more because she’s inside of you and there’s always a natural connection between you two but this is not the case with your partner. Get your boyfriend to talk to your unborn baby so as to create some relationship with her. Babies are quite clever although we underestimate them.This will make him feel involved and may be a reality check to remind him of your pregnancy.

packing for labor

for you;

dressing gown

slippers

nightdress

snacks and drinks

toiletries- don't forget sanitary pads!

clothes for when you are discharged

for baby;

baby clothes; all in one baby outfits, 2 vests

baby blanket

2 disposable nappies

wipes

baby socks or booties

pack of ear buds

Young Moms – What goes on inside your brain!

Most teens and university students do not plan their pregnancies. Unexpected pregnancies usually lead to stress, shock and constant worrying sometimes serious depression. Some of the problems and worries which cause this are:

o   The risk of dropping out of school -pregnancy increases your chances of dropping out of school as at times you will feel tired, stressed out and so lazy to go anywhere. You might have to stay at home after the birth of your baby.

o   Stigmatization by other students – it can be overwhelming thinking of what kind of reactions you will get from other students when they find out about your pregnancy but you need to be  prepared to stand your ground and not letting their negativity affect you and your studies.

o   Pressure to manage time for prenatal visits- time management is extremely important when you are a mother-to-be, you may have to talk to someone at school whom you can report when you need to attend the clinic or visit your midwife or doctor.

o   Fear of parents’ reactions after finding out about the pregnancy- some parents may support their daughters throughout their pregnancies but some may still feel disappointed and may not want anything to do with the pregnancy. It is also important to have a good relationship with your mother as they will know a lot better than you and assist you where they can.

o   Worrying about who will take care of the baby and financial problems – this is another case where parents are needed although the partner or baby father may assist financially by getting a job so.

o   Academic performance might be affected – depending on how you handle the news, finding out about your pregnancy can depress you and you might even consider dropping out. If you don’t attend classes you might be at risk of failing at school and this might affect you emotionally as well.

o   Pregnancy might affect relationship with father of the baby – pregnancy may make you feel angry especially towards your partner, this sometimes leads to breakups if not handled well

Young moms need as much support as they can get to be able to get through all of these problems. This is one reason you find a pregnant woman constantly thinking and planning on her pregnancy.if you could enter her mind, you’d find there’s a lot going in there!

I have noticed with myself that what I’m constantly thinking of now, with regards to my pregnancy, is not the same as what I was thinking when I first noticed I had missed my periods. During this time I was scared, shocked and felt very sick. My worries were; ‘what am I going to do? Do I leave or stay in school? What will my mom say? I was actually worried that my mom would kill me! You get worried about things like who will take care of your baby if you go back to school? Who will pay for the expenses and so on.

Emotional turmoils are natural in pregnancy?

The case should be the same for other student and teen moms as well unless their pregnancy was planned and they have good relationships with their parents. Even if you have all the support you still go through some stress which is natural during pregnancy. Sometimes even though their worries may seem real, pregnant women will not handle these the normal way, instead they overreact to them. Like crying over a kettle of water that just won't boil…

Courtecy of: http://www.bestily.com/quotes-about-pregnancy-funny/quotes-about-pregnancy-funny-1/

Baby fathers- beware!

Pregnancy seems to shift the way an expectant mother thinks and behaves. They may become more insecure mostly about how they look and may seem to cry a lot. Sometimes they forget- this is called ‘pregnancy brain’ and is caused by stress, not having enough sleep and multitasking. Hormones play a huge role in changing the way these women think and behave.

Among the behaviors is the ‘hubby hater’, so in the case of young moms it should be hating on your boyfriend. This may affect your relationship with him and he may flee if he doesn't take a chance to understand these changes. Your role is to be aware of your feelings and assess the way you think about a situation and try not to overreact. One way you could reduce your chances of stressing and fighting with your boyfriend is taking time to relax and talking to your baby; share how you feel and your aspirations with him/her, daydream about whether you want a boy or girl and get lost in the fantasy!